DARK HEART OF THE EMPIRE

Turns out the Dark Heart of the Empire is actually a Dairy Boy ice cream hut in nearby Eastpointe, MI. More specifically, it's the Cone Storage room located in the back of the facility near the employee bathrooms.

I found this information listed in a Time Magazine Almanac from 2002 I had under a stack of paper place mats I've been collecting for their interesting design patterns and drink sweat stains.

NIGHTCAP 05/31/11

Last night I found a small cardboard box inside a crumpled brown paper grocery bag on the top shelf of the hall closet. Inside this small cardboard box were five, unopened, untouched packages of Mallo Cups. They were two-packs. It was a Christmas gift I had received from my Uncle many years ago. The gift was so perfect in conception and execution - the cardboard box was recycled from some incomprehensible electronics parts company, with its order form invoice and label still stuck on the lid - that I didn't dare disturb it. Eating the Mallo Cups would've ruined everything. In its simple, unsophisticated manner the gift summed up a thousand dark, cold, slushy November weeknights spent waiting for my father to pick me up from Catechism and making due with a single, unwrapped, Mallo Cup in...

NEVER FORGET THE BREAD KING

The Bread King was more than just a tyrant made of those inedible, twisted, multi-colored bread sculptures on the display counter at the bakery.

He was also a poet. And I saved his journals from the looters' flame. I will be publishing his until now lost work here on a regular basis. Below, an untitled piece from The Bread King.

TEETH OF BREAD, TEETH OF BREAD.
HOW DO I CHEW WITH THESE TEETH OF BREAD?
How do I see with these eyes of bread? How do I learn with a brain of bread?

I'M MADE OF BREAD, GODDAMN YOU. BREAD!
The lizards don't care,
they only despise me
and my bread legs.

HOW I WISH BREAD WAS STEEL!

MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 05/31/11

On Friday we received a nasty letter from Reader's Digest Magazine. It practically ruined the entire holiday for us. I don't want to go into the details of the letter - they're very ugly. Let's just say it used extremely inappropriate language when addressing an 11-year subscriber. The tone was foul and the references to foster care crude and uncalled for.

Our family did its best to salvage the weekend and honor our country with ample grilling, but looming over everything were the unexpected, unjustified accusations of the Digest's editorial board. Awful.