Thousands of years from now, when this culture of ours is being studied by the lizard men, heavy attention will be paid to one thing: The Cut, Length and Style of our most powerful Senators' Hair. But these future archeologists will make crucial mistakes in their analysis because they lack direct contact with the hair. Like scientists in our time guessing as to the texture and color of a dinosaur's skin, our descendants will have only speculation as their guide. Which is where I come in. As a service to the society of lizard men, I am leaving a record that clears up any and all misconception about our fine and noble senators' hair. I cut photos from popular news magazines and laboriously fill out index cards with samples taped to them if available. And, most importantly, I gather primary...