MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 08/10/11

I gave up the private detective business three years ago. I’m a different man, now. I have a family. I work on boats now. The big ships. I draw pictures of them and sell them to people that live in landlocked states. I have a future.

I can’t help you. I don’t care about the package of feathers you received last week. You can spend your own time glueing them under your arms and taking photos of yourself in the mirror. I have old copies of the yellow pages to skim through and obscene last names to circle.

Your “clues” are meaningless. There is no big secret going on. This is a quiet town filled with quiet people many of whom have forgotten how to speak altogether. The most they can do is make sorta whale noises, and not even with their mouths! There is nothing suspicious about that! They shift their weight every couple hours.

Look—– I don’t want to be drawn into anything here. I’m not interested in where my water comes from as long as it doesn’t taste too strongly of clowns.

You’re not hearing me…

I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS SO-CALLED ORPHEUS PROJECT!

DAMNIT GET AWAY!

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About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

2 Responses to “MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 08/10/11”

  1. Maddie 08/10/11 at 10:44 am #

    What Orpheus Project? You know, you really should be more specific about these things.

  2. Maddie 08/10/11 at 10:48 am #

    Besides, I don’t know what you’re so worried about. Being afraid of using music for healing purposes is not only a waste of time, but also a step in the wrong direction. Now, sit down like a good boy and listen to this sweet music. It will help you know.

    NO! I SAID SIT DOWN! RUNNING AWAY DOESN’T SOLVE ANYTHING!

    WE ARE ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU! JUST LISTEN TO THIS MUSIC LIKE A GOOD BOY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE!

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