Well, what am I going to do about it? I know we’re reaching Peak Oil and the Climate’s Warming Up and the ground beneath us is melting and each year more and more ugly children are being born. I don’t need any convincing. But let’s be realistic. What on earth am I – Mr. Me, Myself – what am I going to do about it? I don’t have any time or resources. No answers. I’ve got all I can handle just keeping this place painted a bright shade of yellow and the stairs carpeted. I’ve got thousands of episode summaries of Home Shopping Network programming to write and laminate. It’s all I can do to keep these expensive Amazon river fish alive! They have to be kept in separate buckets of Salt-Free River water at 68 degrees F, otherwise they...
DEPT: Blog
THIS IS THE BLOG OF THE HUMAN DOG.
THIS IS IMPORTANT EVIDENCE OF THE END OF THE WORLD.
ALSO THE OCCASIONAL RECIPE.
THANK YOU.
Rally in Madison March 5, 2011
Democratic State Rep attempts to enter Madison Capitol Building:
Largely the Police Unions have sided with their brothers and sisters in other unions. I don’t know about the officers featured here or their allegiance.
One of my favorite cultural trends to emerge online over the last decade is the practice of altering celebrity photos to make them appear morbidly obese or the victims of severe amputation procedures. Ostensibly, these works were created for fringe sexual reasons, but I see something more. In these photos, I see a plausible alternative reality, total and complete in its construction. The thought put into where to place the neck fat – off to the side or partially engulfing the lower lip, for example – is considerable. These artists take seriously the decision to cut off Jennifer Aniston’s arm ABOVE the elbow and perhaps replace it with a hook or equivalent animal paw. They even consider the emotional journey of their subjects by making an 1100lbs Tom Hanks grimace at his...
If you don’t eat lemons very often you could easily wind up the owner of 400 acres of southern Illinois bottom land that floods with the slightest drizzle. There’s no structure on it since the local teenagers burned down the pump shed. You will still owe about fifty US dollars in placeholder taxes each year.
You’ll be looked down upon by men in ties for such a foolish acquisition. Especially since it could’ve been avoided by simply eating lemon slices and occasionally taping them to your face during job interviews.
Woodard added the decision is an attack on low-income families, because most of the child care providers are among the working poor. “If they don’t have help getting what they’re due, they’ll be worse off than before.”
A lot of people are going to be devastated, and it’s not fair for the kids. Most people aren’t doing child care for the money. They’re doing it because they love kids.
Snyder’s budget proposal taxes pensions of retirees on fixed incomes, slashes the state’s education system and raises taxes on the working poor by eliminating the Earned Income Tax Credit.
SOURCE
Calm down. Deep breaths. Don’t collapse. Not in front of the others. If they see the tremors it’s over.
Act like none of it affects you.
Your watch is really tight, really tight. God. Might lose the hand. I have to know what time it is. I have to. I spent a lot of money on this thing. The metal might give me a rash. It might-it’s cutting through the skin. It could get into the bloodstream. It’ll go straight to the liver. Got a weak liver. Just like Granddad. God what would he think of me now. This is his lineage? His heir? We can’t all be fighter pilots, Granddad. Heh, heh, heh. Some of us are allergic to clouds.
What? Is there- Is there someone in this closet? WHO IS IN THIS CLOSET!? I’LL REPORT YOU!
Madison, WI: Instead of walking freely through the capitol building, I was subjected to the myriad humiliations of a woman visiting her husband in federal prison. I was forced to empty my pockets of every dime, expose all my belongings to the scrutiny of a line of officers, even take off my coat so that I could be security-wanded by an officer. I could not walk through the building unless I was accompanied by both a staffer and a police officer, every single step of the way to my representative’s office. I was told that I would not be allowed to use the restroom without a police officer in attendence. I had to pass inspection before at least 30 officers, lined up both outside and inside the King Street entrance. SOURCE These measures put in place by the same Conservatives who...
The Mountains.
THESE ARE SNAKES WE’RE TALKING ABOUT!
They cannot be reasoned with. They cannot be dealt with. They are unstoppable! They can slither under doors and operate heavy machinery! It’s too late for diplomacy! They’ll destroy all of us! They’re snakes! These are not happy people! They have no soul and no mercy! Run!
Then there’s a third category: The Super Obese. North of 400 pounds opens up vistas few imagined existed. One becomes sensitive to textures, to the language and emotions of animals. Special shoes with reenforced ankles lead to style choices unique in the Western world.
The Super Obese gain the ability to digest metals and some develop a lust for sapphires. Often this becomes a problem as jewelry and appliances are no longer safe. Naturally this leads to an expansion of their prayer lives.
Because of their skills, such individuals are considered assets to a community. They prove supreme protection against volcanoes and against the Swedes.
I hope you’ve written all of this down.
Thirty minutes of dogs tearing each other apart while hurtling to the bottom of the ocean at the speed of sound in full color Japanese High Def (HD) and digital surround sound with a coffee table book and matching wind breaker on fire in the back corner of god’s gymnasium under the horrible spell of black soap and witches without any credit limit.
And ThunderThunder Thunder Always Thunder.