Well, what am I going to do about it? I know we’re reaching Peak Oil and the Climate’s Warming Up and the ground beneath us is melting and each year more and more ugly children are being born. I don’t need any convincing.

But let’s be realistic. What on earth am I – Mr. Me, Myself – what am I going to do about it? I don’t have any time or resources. No answers. I’ve got all I can handle just keeping this place painted a bright shade of yellow and the stairs carpeted. I’ve got thousands of episode summaries of Home Shopping Network programming to write and laminate.

It’s all I can do to keep these expensive Amazon river fish alive! They have to be kept in separate buckets of Salt-Free River water at 68 degrees F, otherwise they die and I have to pay the deposit.

It’s too much!

You asking a lot here for me to then use my remaining moments – that I would otherwise devote to cutting construction paper into ever smaller slices – to think about how to save some damn giraffes. That I won’t even ever see! Now come on.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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