Then there’s a third category: The Super Obese. North of 400 pounds opens up vistas few imagined existed. One becomes sensitive to textures, to the language and emotions of animals. Special shoes with reenforced ankles lead to style choices unique in the Western world.

The Super Obese gain the ability to digest metals and some develop a lust for sapphires. Often this becomes a problem as jewelry and appliances are no longer safe. Naturally this leads to an expansion of their prayer lives.

Because of their skills, such individuals are considered assets to a community. They prove supreme protection against volcanoes and against the Swedes.

I hope you’ve written all of this down.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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