DEPT: Blog

THIS IS THE BLOG OF THE HUMAN DOG.
THIS IS IMPORTANT EVIDENCE OF THE END OF THE WORLD.
ALSO THE OCCASIONAL RECIPE.
THANK YOU.

Always comes in threes

MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL
A man finds a cane.
His impact is now felt three states away.
The cane sleeps in a place of honor, right near the broken clocks.

Simple Explanation

NIGHTCAP
We keep the Canadian coins in a jar on the floor.
Well removed from the rest of the American Nickels.
Why? Hygiene, but that’s a given.
More importantly, we keep things separate to prevent mouth injuries.
You never want a mouth injury, but you especially don’t want one during this cold.

Strong bones, tough skin

Texas dogs grow a thick, near bullet proof exoskeleton each March, only to shed it by late April. The rest of the year they are pleasant companions, no different than any other of the lower mammals.
During The Roughening, though, they’re in no mood for joy. They need small creatures to devour and thick Catalogs to chew. It’s of this guide’s opinion that you schedule family events outside this yearly disturbance.

Nightcap

Gonna buy a railroad in the morning and ride it all the way to the ocean. When I get there I will sit down and confess everything to the one-eared creatures in the tide pools.
You’re not invited.

Hard Facts Candies

MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL
Hard Facts Candies cover the full spectrum. The red ones taste like mortality. The blue taste like long Comcast branch office lobby waiting lines.
Green tastes like the necessity of renewing your real estate license because the novel still hasn’t sold.

Perhaps You Know

The Mormons have spent the last 30 years building an enormous, life-sized Chutes and Ladders game. They don’t allow outsiders near it. Their reasons remain unclear.

Tambourine

God made the tambourine for us to enjoy and so that we may spread that joy to others.
The tempo will be kept in such a way as to not anger or displease the majority of man. It shall be kept with flat little bells arranged in a ring.
Not in a row. In an eternal ring.