DEPT: Blog

THIS IS THE BLOG OF THE HUMAN DOG.
THIS IS IMPORTANT EVIDENCE OF THE END OF THE WORLD.
ALSO THE OCCASIONAL RECIPE.
THANK YOU.

YOUR STOMACH WILL THANK YOU

“Get your house in order!” they scream. And they throw garbage at me and my pets.
Still I persist. Still I go forward. Still I carve away, slowly, with the bent knife and the little jeweler’s glass. Lot of people wondered why anyone would spend so much time painting huge pictures of empty fields and sacks of sand.
Once completed, I will let the paint dry then, beginning in the upper righthand corner, eat the entire accursed artwork. I will refuse naps and any offers of water. Snap your photos and scribble curse words if you must.
I will not stop.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT MARINE LIFE?

EARLY LUNCH CONVERSATION STARTER What is it about Marine Life that enchants us so? The Whales and Shrimp and Penguins and Porpoises and Seals and Walruses and Star Fish and so on and so forth. What is it about them that makes men spends endless hours whittling away in their workshops on full life-size mechanical recreations – the kind that you have to wind up or get a neighbor to wind while you’re away – of these creatures so that we might be nearer to them without threat of losing an arm? Is it the cold, sure certainty of their starless-night dark eyes? The way they’re slippery without being slimy (unlike those horrible cave-dwelling albino rats)? Is it their mastery of latin dance? Whatever it is about these doleful, simple animals that keeps us returning to the...

Understanding

When people make the decision to go into the public sector for less money and finite earning potential, they do so with the understanding that other aspects of their employment will compensate for reduced income, i.e. benefits and pension. So it is, and so has it always been.
Why is this such a hot-button issue now? Because inefficient state governments have urinated away taxpayers’ money on unnecessary expenditures and now want to recoup it on the backs of municipal employees.
From a Comment by Ortho Stice on This TPM Story

Come on

I don’t want Obama to say he’s merely monitoring the protesters in Wisconsin, I want him to say he supports the Union members outright and he won’t tolerate this assault on citizens dignity.
I want him to stop being a sell out pussy.
Also: GOOD MORNING.

NIGHTCAP 02/15/11

Lost everything I had in the flavored Q-tip business. Had to start over. Began collecting coupons. Hoarding them, really. Any and all coupons I could get. Almost all for items I knew going in I would never buy.
Stuff like boat covers and illustrated accounts of the Korean War: Year One.
Yet I kept at it. Set up shop in a Kohl’s dept store bathroom stall. Even had a phone line installed. Now I supervise 45 lessors and three mobile furnaces.
I attribute all of it to my ability to induce back spasms in people through the power of sheer thought.
GOODNIGHT TO YOU AND YOURS

Thought Prevention

MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL
This is America, goddamnit, the last thing you want to be caught doing is thinking Long Term. Your chief concern is the next quarter, if that.
But these thoughts of tomorrow often burrow in past our defenses. To guard against them it’s a good idea to surround yourself with three or four air-pop popcorn makers running on high. The raw seed is cheap, invest in extension cords and bowls.
You’ll also want one of the servants to cut off both your hands.