I can’t imagine that fire-breathing snakes would make the best dinner guests. Unless it’s some kind of BBQ. But not in this neighborhood. Outdoor BBQs are not technically against the community standards agreement but they sure are frowned upon.

Especially by the jerks behind us. They really hate our family because so many of us walk with a crooked leg. They yell “GYPSY” at us and throw rocks at the back of the garage when we’re at work. Last thing I need is them calling the Condominium Association on us for frying up some hot dogs and pig faces over hot coals at 7:30pm. In our own yard. Geeze.

The fire-breathing snakes would only be useful against those guys if the snakes would consent to be used as Whips. That’s not going to happen and I ain’t touching no greasy snake anyway. Nobody can sell a house in this market as it is.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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