Author - Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.


State Assembly Democrats held hearings 24 hours a day, for days on end. I testified at one of those hearings among teachers and state employees. I testified at 1:30 in the morning and the room was packed for the three hours I was there. There were special education teachers testifying with tears in their eyes that they needed their unions to protect them because sometimes they get injured on the job by the children they care for, and they need to know they will be taken care of. A Milwaukee teacher testified that she secretly visited a community food bank every week to feed her family of five, since her husband lost his union manufacturing job in 2009. The most amazing part about that story was that her fellow teachers who traveled with her to Madison did not know her secret. The whole...

Nightcap 03/07/11

I wish I could travel 750 years into the future to just get past this mess. I’d lose a lot of people I care about but at the same time it’d be so freeing. All of this nightmare would be over and done with. I could look back and see how it all unraveled without having to suffer through the sheer tedium of it all. Then I’d turn from the crystal gazing ball and lock arms with a mer-person (who by that time had evolved to breathe oxygen and spend short amounts of time on dry land) and journey up the mountains made of yogurt. I’d learn of his peoples and their struggle. I’d train in their ways and understand their injustice at the hands of the pharaoh man. I would begin to craft my own spears. Present day earth and America and therapeutic massage classes would...

No Choice

There isn't any choice at this point. I have to keep going forward and upward and with the occasional loop-de-loop. A thousand calamities and children without socks lie behind me. If I turn to look back just once I will be turned to stone, broken into driveway gravel and sold off for pieces. To accompany me I've made arrangements for a team of trumpeters and men dressed as sharks to follow behind me. Leading this parade will be a donkey of unquestionable character and intelligence. I may call him Charles, you will call him Mr. Lazlo. We won't make many stops save for illegal firework tents and teeth washing stations. It will not be a journey of cherry pie and smiles. It will put to test all of the lies I've been telling fortune tellers to win my money back. I'll have to develop the...


WASHINGTON -- Hundreds of protesters from around the country descended on a meeting of all 50 state attorneys general in the nation's capital on Monday, demanding criminal prosecutions for bankers and mortgage servicers accused of foreclosure fraud and other abuses.

"Handcuffs for the CEOs! Corporate criminals got to go!" demonstrators chanted during an hourlong event outside the Fairmont Hotel, waving signs with slogans like, "Make Wall Street Pay!" and "Send Wall Street The Bill.


Morning Constitutional 03/07/11

A number of technologies keep this operation running. There's HTML and PHP and RSS and XML and huge vats of prepared cake icing. And virtually none of them work. Not one. They don't work on their own, and what's more, they ain't working together. Even the characters in this sentence hate each other and are only being kept together as words by the refusal of the spaces to budge.

I've got a solution, though, delivered from on high. I'm welding the entrances shut, turning on the faucets and flooding out the whole mess. After that I'm converting this place to stables for living reindeer. To hell with it.