I wish I could travel 750 years into the future to just get past this mess. I’d lose a lot of people I care about but at the same time it’d be so freeing. All of this nightmare would be over and done with. I could look back and see how it all unraveled without having to suffer through the sheer tedium of it all.
Then I’d turn from the crystal gazing ball and lock arms with a mer-person (who by that time had evolved to breathe oxygen and spend short amounts of time on dry land) and journey up the mountains made of yogurt. I’d learn of his peoples and their struggle. I’d train in their ways and understand their injustice at the hands of the pharaoh man. I would begin to craft my own spears.
Present day earth and America and therapeutic massage classes would evaporate from memory as I moved closer towards the throne room, the spear clasped in my mouth. I’d have just one moment to do him in, one opportunity. Redirecting history with a single blow, I’d strike fast and in silence. Again and again and once more for security.
I would become King of all the desert land on what is now known as northern indiana.