Author - Chris Weagel
Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.
The Human Dog Contact Page is now functional and presentable. Send me a message today and I will respond sometime in the next 14 years.
SOURCE: WreckandSalvage.com
Overlooked in the midst of global chaos, loss of life, uncertainty and pet-owner separation anxiety, is the archaic, hard-to-operate machine that produces those little Wax Soda Pop Bottles. Evolution has narrowed things down to just one remaining machine. It can only be run three hours at a time, then has to be unplugged to cool and rest. The room housing the machine was declared a World Heritage Site by the United Nations in 1992.
That room is located in a paper house. Next to an elephant farm. One floor above a Robot Boxing Ring. 30,000 miles beneath the sea.
IN JAPAN.
Congratulations to Dan Heindenke, winner of the 2011 Human Dog Unsung Hero Award! For what seems like an eternity, Dan has worked in the Scrubbings Dept. in total silence with his head pressed firmly against the desk, eyes open, hands furiously folding and unfolding waste paper in his lap. Until now, Dan's efforts have gone purposely unnoticed. Born without a human tongue, Dan's odd noises and grunts were a turnoff to fellow employees and proper justification for denying him a phone. Contact was limited to asking him to remain seated while a large, opaque sheet was placed over him during lunch hours. All that changes today! In addition to the Professionally Inscribed UnSung Hero Award Plaque (MSRP $79.99), Dan will be honored with the addition of 35 Jumping Jacks to his workload. During...
But it's critically important at this stage that Walker's opponents maintain the self-discipline they have shown until this critical point. Walker would like nothing better than disorder to break out in Madison. Like the leader of any coup d'etat, he wants to show the public his strong-arm methods are made necessary by adversaries whose behavior can be characterized on the media as even more extreme.
Be measured. Stay cool. Know that we are a nation of laws, and those laws will prevail. The People's Party is growing across America -- and the actions of Scott Walker and his Republican colleagues are giving it even greater momentum. So are the actions of congressional Republicans who are using the threat of a government shutdown to strong-arm their way in Washington.
SOURCE
[caption id="attachment_4251" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="Sure Sign of Madness"][/caption] Contemporary American society leaves the average individual with little direct control. The water is carbonated, the lights turn off when no one is looking, and the giant parrot recites our voicemails with whatever accent is appropriate to the season. The consequences of such a hands-off approach to affairs builds up plenty of slack in a man's mind. The energy has to go somewhere. Obscene inventions, grand schemes, intense collecting of newspaper coupons are birthed. One fellow actually rigged up a special room whose walls literally closed in on its occupant. It is said he derived great pleasure from cinching up the walls tighter and tighter around him, until his diaphragm gave out...