MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 03/11/11

Congratulations to Dan Heindenke, winner of the 2011 Human Dog Unsung Hero Award!

For what seems like an eternity, Dan has worked in the Scrubbings Dept. in total silence with his head pressed firmly against the desk, eyes open, hands furiously folding and unfolding waste paper in his lap. Until now, Dan’s efforts have gone purposely unnoticed. Born without a human tongue, Dan’s odd noises and grunts were a turnoff to fellow employees and proper justification for denying him a phone. Contact was limited to asking him to remain seated while a large, opaque sheet was placed over him during lunch hours.

All that changes today! In addition to the Professionally Inscribed UnSung Hero Award Plaque (MSRP $79.99), Dan will be honored with the addition of 35 Jumping Jacks to his workload. During this workout, everyone in the room will yell out DAN! DAN! DAN! as though alerting a parent their newborn is about to fall off a ledge. Dan will also be immortalized by Professional Caricaturist Allandro with his portrait hung prominently above the ashtrays.

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About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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