Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.
I never believed them when they said you can't get anywhere in the world of Pinball Machine design, construction and service without a degree.
I don't need a piece of paper that says to the world, "hey, this guy's good at fishing dead mice outta pinball machines and will do so for little pieces of BBQ-flavored cardboard instead of money."
My work and extremely bizarre diet speak for themselves.
All my best ideas are wrapped in Tin Foil and sold to fishermen who fear loneliness on their voyages.
All my worst ideas are saved for desktop One-a-Day Calendars and feature illustrations of and done by cats.
ME: When was it you finally settled on the Napoleonic Wars as the subject as your next series of books?
COAT HANGER: [says nothing, sways back and forth along with a gentle breeze from a nearby box fan]
ME: Yes, put that way it seems inevitable.
PREVIEW OF NEXT WEEK'S INSTALLMENT
ME: DAMN YOU, COAT HANGER! AND YOUR INSOLENCE! THOSE PEOPLE HAD FAMILIES!
COAT HANGER: [remains an inanimate piece of bent wire]
Stunning advances in sticker technology kept me awake most of the night. I was poring over manuals, reading online forum discussions, watching countless tutorial videos, all to get my head around these new developments. The aspect about these new sticker sheets I can't understand though, is the rationale behind requiring each and every sheet of stickers - regardless of theme or subject matter - to include one sticker depicting a diseased digestive organ. It can be photographic (post-autopsy or during surgery) or illustrated in a matching style as the rest of the sheet. The organ can be human or animal. It may also be presented pickled in a jar or dripping and sagging on an open air slab. The organ's affliction requirement is also wide open allowing everything from cancers to alcoholic...
Do you really want to support the Nestle Quik/Ovaltine/Hershey's Syrup mindset?
Wouldn't you prefer to simply pour the glass of milk on your head and slurp down whatever drips into your open mouth?
It's about Authenticity, not convenience.
Park Ranger. Bounty Hunter. Librarian.
He was successful in many lines of work. Each of his pursuits, though, shared a common thread.
Preservation.
He saved the forests. He used justice to shore up the scaffolding of society. He bound and re-bound each book, counting every page himself, so none were lost.
He had a special affinity for pop-up books and protecting their pull tabs.
He died on this day over 75,000 years ago.
His name was Marshmallow Fire.
Due to the recent scandals in the Tire and Mattress retail sector, Christmas in July has been officially cancelled. The might of the wall-to-wall carpeting sellers association was not enough to convince the National Holiday Committee otherwise.
What does this mean?
First of all, interest rates are going up.
Second: You'll have to draw Santa on your 7-Up cans yourself. Use a Sharpie.
Third: You'll probably get ticketed for any front yard tire burnings.
Fourth: The return lines at Kohl's will be manageable.
The committee's decision does not affect April's annual Halloween Underwater celebration so you can continue to nearly drown yourself while dressed up like the count.
Go In Peace.
To ward off bad Summer Spirits, I spent the morning placing stacks of lined loose leaf paper in different corners of the house. 8 stacks in all. I thought about including pens with the offering but decided it might be seen as presumptuous on my part as Summer Spirits are very particular when it comes to writing utensils and they usually carry their own personally engraved little numbers. No reason to offend them with a cheapo Bic pen bearing the local (now-defunct) car wash's logo. If all goes well, the spirits will spend the majority of their energy writing down names of those that wronged them during their time on earth or drawing pictures of exotic puddings and let me get some sleep. Come fall, I'll drop some iodine tablets in boiling water pots around the house. The smell should send...
