I received my application back from the National Holiday Registration Board. My proposed Holiday has been rejected. Outlined in my 17 page narrative was a solid argument as to why May 14th should hereafter be known and celebrated as Lower Abdominal Pain Day (May 13th being an unofficial Lower Abdominal Paid Day eve). I suppose the enclosed references, Mr. Washington and Mr. Lincoln, were not as convincing as, say, Mr. Franklin might be. Now begins the two year “cooling off period” before I can re-apply with new photos of citizens celebrating the agony of Lower Abdominal Pain. I’m also working on Partial-Day Holidays. 6 Hour (or less) stretches during a day that are legal holidays. Such new boundaries would allow for new holidays – honoring some of our more noble reptiles, perhaps? – in a fun, digestible stretch that would help facilitate the re-gifting process and put a definite deadline on when the better fast food establishments could re-open.