I received my application back from the National Holiday Registration Board. My proposed Holiday has been rejected. Outlined in my 17 page narrative was a solid argument as to why May 14th should hereafter be known and celebrated as Lower Abdominal Pain Day (May 13th being an unofficial Lower Abdominal Paid Day eve). I suppose the enclosed references, Mr. Washington and Mr. Lincoln, were not as convincing as, say, Mr. Franklin might be. Now begins the two year "cooling off period" before I can re-apply with new photos of citizens celebrating the agony of Lower Abdominal Pain. I'm also working on Partial-Day Holidays. 6 Hour (or less) stretches during a day that are legal holidays. Such new boundaries would allow for new holidays - honoring some of our more noble reptiles, perhaps? - in a fun, digestible stretch that would help facilitate the re-gifting process and put a definite deadline on when the better fast food establishments could re-open.

I received my application back from the National Holiday Registration Board.

My proposed Holiday has been rejected.

Outlined in my 17 page narrative was a solid argument as to why May 14th should hereafter be known and celebrated as Lower Abdominal Pain Day (May 13th being an unofficial Lower Abdominal Paid Day eve).

I suppose the enclosed references, Mr. Washington and Mr. Lincoln, were not as convincing as, say, Mr. Franklin might be.

Now begins the two year “cooling off period” before I can re-apply with new photos of citizens celebrating the agony of Lower Abdominal Pain.

I’m also working on Partial-Day Holidays. 6 Hour (or less) stretches during a day that are legal holidays. Such new boundaries would allow for new holidays – honoring some of our more noble reptiles, perhaps? – in a fun, digestible stretch that would help facilitate the re-gifting process and put a definite deadline on when the better fast food establishments could re-open.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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