The local paper asked, “How do you burn refrigerators and other appliances?”
The town screamed in unison, “Down to ashes! Down to ashes! Hoo-ray!”
And only 15 beatings that day…

I know what it takes, Alex. I know that you're disappointed in me. My cheese folding technique let you down. I wasn't sufficient. You wanted the girl in the picture. I gave you a ghost.
I'm going to slide a few inches closer to you now. Don't pull on the restraints — they leave marks.
OK, now squeeze.

Have you ever sat down and really committed to eating an entire furnace? Breaking it down, systematically as you go. Eating the entire thing. Not because you've been forced. No. Because you want to. You enjoy it. You enjoy the flavor, the ugly tingle. The metal color on your teeth. You're partially magnetic and you've earned it.
And eating the whole thing. Just like dad would've wanted. This is what it means to be a man. Eating industrial equipment that you can find in your house.
And no door knob bullshit.

The legislature required each citizen to carry a harmonica on his person during daylight hours. That started back in the spring but wasn't actively enforced until about three weeks ago. (Local police bought a dinosaur, they're gonna use a dinosaur.) They want you to carry one at night too, but they also prefer you merge with an animal and walk around with a tail…and I just don't have time.
If you carry the harmonica you get chapped real quick. Starts on your arms and in some cases covers the whole neck.

This is it. This is my time. I'm going to nuclear power plant. Tomorrow, and for the next 2 years, I begin the fling out the forms. Then I wait, alone, with acceptance or rejection.
Then it's on to the appeals process.
 

If you're given the choice between being stepped on by a goat or eaten alive by the state of Missouri please consider NPR in your will or charitable givings.
Get a degree in Pinball, theoretical or applied. We'll pay for it.