When you finish eating a popsicle or pudding pop, wipe the stick clean and put it in your pocket. Keep an ever-growing collection of these with you – despite the smell – at all times. Never have fewer than 50. If you’re the creative type, use a pen to write riddles or bible passages on some of the sticks. Failing that, scribbled cryptic strings of random numbers followed by a bold question mark work just as well. Some of you may see where I’m headed with this. Then, the next time you’re in a waiting room or private office with unlocked drawers, wait until your opponent has left the room. When you’re sure you’re safe cram as many of the coded sticks into the drawers as possible. If need be, remove items from the drawers to make room for more sticks...
Testing out iMovie at the Weagel Compound:
Weagels prepare meats and potatoes in the midst of Economic Depression in America
Who isn’t terrified of Oprah Winfrey at this point? A human volcano that gives as often as she takes. First Borns, too. None of this business with goats. I hear she’s equipped with lasers. I hear all kinds of things! Who knows what’s real? Oprah gives up sliced tomatoes? No sliced tomatoes in this town!
I’ll tell you this, I’ll tell you this: I keep all those little plastic margarine tubs, because you never know what she’s sending down next.
Oh my God. Move over, I need to sit down.
Favorite Internal Organ: stomach eight years running
Favorite Ghost: Bill Cosby, Ghost Dad
Favorite International Car Crash: Underground Russian Tunnel Bus Wrecks
Favorite Former Center of Trade and Culture: Alberta
Favorite Dollar Store Item: Dusty Fire Extinguisher under pile of broken Easter baskets
Favorite Former US Senator: Stevie Wonder
Favorite Bite Mark: Owl Beak
Favorite TV Show that never existed: Underwater Christmas Hour
The majority of America thinks cuts to Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, K-12 education, heating assistance to low-income families, student loans, unemployment insurance, and scientific and medical research are completely unacceptable. In contrast, Americans find a progressive tax policy very acceptable. The overwhelming majority of America supports additional taxes on millionaires and billionaires, eliminating unnecessary weapons systems, eliminating tax credits for the oil and gas industries, phasing out Bush tax cuts, and eliminating subsidies for new nuclear power plants. Poll after poll give voice to what Americans are asking of us.
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