Who isn’t terrified of Oprah Winfrey at this point? A human volcano that gives as often as she takes. First Borns, too. None of this business with goats. I hear she’s equipped with lasers. I hear all kinds of things! Who knows what’s real? Oprah gives up sliced tomatoes? No sliced tomatoes in this town!

I’ll tell you this, I’ll tell you this: I keep all those little plastic margarine tubs, because you never know what she’s sending down next.

Oh my God. Move over, I need to sit down.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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