MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 06/30/11

I realized that I left a tape recorder running for the better part of the last 14 years here underneath the headboard. Playing back the first 10 minutes or so, all I hear is whispering, whispering, whispering.

It's not my voice. And it's nothing terribly interesting. Just a lot of talk about value meal specials at fast food establishments and national holiday-themed mattress sales.

I can only assume it's what I discuss while asleep. And I regret not finding it until now as, from what I can tell, I missed out on a really great Fish-Sandwich/Craftmatic Adjustable Bed combo deal back in 2002 that would've both made me smarter and straightened out my back.

I'll have Franklin burn the tape later tonight.

NIGHTCAP 06/29/11

If all goes according to plan, you will be the happy, successful new owner/operator of a Deluxe Ice Cream Shoppe and Camel Wash Station in rural Azerbaijan.

If it all goes to hell, run like a monkey on fire.

Why Not Join The Priesthood?

The circus is no longer accepting applications. The country has enough file clerks. Playing a dead body in one of those large disaster scenes just doesn’t pay enough. The only calling left is a higher calling.
When you become a priest, the Vatican sends you a pair of those glasses that let you see into men’s souls and you’re legally allowed to drink blood in public. Your business card gets a rarely used prefix. Sure you only get paid in little sticks and pebbles but you never have to fear snakes again.
All in all a good deal for all parties. You were going to be locked up eventually anyway, might as well be in bondage to the Lord.