SOURCE: WreckandSalvage.com
DEPT: Blog
THIS IS THE BLOG OF THE HUMAN DOG.
THIS IS IMPORTANT EVIDENCE OF THE END OF THE WORLD.
ALSO THE OCCASIONAL RECIPE.
THANK YOU.
Overlooked in the midst of global chaos, loss of life, uncertainty and pet-owner separation anxiety, is the archaic, hard-to-operate machine that produces those little Wax Soda Pop Bottles. Evolution has narrowed things down to just one remaining machine. It can only be run three hours at a time, then has to be unplugged to cool and rest. The room housing the machine was declared a World Heritage Site by the United Nations in 1992.
That room is located in a paper house. Next to an elephant farm. One floor above a Robot Boxing Ring. 30,000 miles beneath the sea.
IN JAPAN.
Congratulations to Dan Heindenke, winner of the 2011 Human Dog Unsung Hero Award! For what seems like an eternity, Dan has worked in the Scrubbings Dept. in total silence with his head pressed firmly against the desk, eyes open, hands furiously folding and unfolding waste paper in his lap. Until now, Dan's efforts have gone purposely unnoticed. Born without a human tongue, Dan's odd noises and grunts were a turnoff to fellow employees and proper justification for denying him a phone. Contact was limited to asking him to remain seated while a large, opaque sheet was placed over him during lunch hours. All that changes today! In addition to the Professionally Inscribed UnSung Hero Award Plaque (MSRP $79.99), Dan will be honored with the addition of 35 Jumping Jacks to his workload. During...
But it's critically important at this stage that Walker's opponents maintain the self-discipline they have shown until this critical point. Walker would like nothing better than disorder to break out in Madison. Like the leader of any coup d'etat, he wants to show the public his strong-arm methods are made necessary by adversaries whose behavior can be characterized on the media as even more extreme.
Be measured. Stay cool. Know that we are a nation of laws, and those laws will prevail. The People's Party is growing across America -- and the actions of Scott Walker and his Republican colleagues are giving it even greater momentum. So are the actions of congressional Republicans who are using the threat of a government shutdown to strong-arm their way in Washington.
SOURCE
[caption id="attachment_4251" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="Sure Sign of Madness"][/caption] Contemporary American society leaves the average individual with little direct control. The water is carbonated, the lights turn off when no one is looking, and the giant parrot recites our voicemails with whatever accent is appropriate to the season. The consequences of such a hands-off approach to affairs builds up plenty of slack in a man's mind. The energy has to go somewhere. Obscene inventions, grand schemes, intense collecting of newspaper coupons are birthed. One fellow actually rigged up a special room whose walls literally closed in on its occupant. It is said he derived great pleasure from cinching up the walls tighter and tighter around him, until his diaphragm gave out...
Scott Walker is labor’s BEST FRIEND since Jimmy Hoffa, in a perverse sense. He’s going to go down in history as the guy who broke the glass and pulled the alarm on all out class war in America. A war the people are going to win this time. The Democrats should trademark his stupid face and have it etched on urinal cakes and distributed nationwide… Look at the face of this delusional man whose misguided, strong-arm tactics will help end the Republican party in America for good this time. Gov. Scott Walker seems intent on pouring gasoline on the class war, but it’s only going to burn his own political career to the ground, bring his political party into a fight with its own fucking citizenry—that it can’t possibly win!—and see him go down in history as one of America’s single biggest...
Attention fellow peasants: please lay out your ponchos on the driveway for air drying. Remove your necklaces and place any and all false or loose teeth in a decorative pattern resembling a smiling face near the poncho neck hole.
Reach your arms up high and close eyes tightly. Hold this position for 15 minutes. You will feel bees swarming you with good emotions and tiny paint brushes. When the vibrations end you will awaken with multiple new faux moles painted in unreported areas of your sovereign body.
Also upon opening your eyes you will be inside a bowling alley/car wash. Please proceed to the front desk to rent shoe wax.
Sold the gold teeth from earlier today and bought a bag of miniature horses.
In this photo I am posing with one of the tiny horses sometime later this year.
State Assembly Democrats held hearings 24 hours a day, for days on end. I testified at one of those hearings among teachers and state employees. I testified at 1:30 in the morning and the room was packed for the three hours I was there. There were special education teachers testifying with tears in their eyes that they needed their unions to protect them because sometimes they get injured on the job by the children they care for, and they need to know they will be taken care of. A Milwaukee teacher testified that she secretly visited a community food bank every week to feed her family of five, since her husband lost his union manufacturing job in 2009. The most amazing part about that story was that her fellow teachers who traveled with her to Madison did not know her secret. The whole...
A Morning of Genuine Gold Teeth