The community is not happy with my latest editorial on carpet patterns. I’m against people installing such in their house unless I’m allowed to choose the pattern. Otherwise they should just stick with solid colors or completely transparent flooring which allows (rightly) for little privacy in the level below. As a sign of their discomfort with my proposal, one of them has defaced my property with the aid of a liquid cement gun, encasing the entire house in a thick, rapidly drying shell. The windows, doors, vents and mail slot are completely blocked. Though a crack in the bathroom window I’ve used a screw driver to write my name in the cement. No matter what happens, future generations will know that “Christopher Rodrigo Weagel” was not cowed by the mob. I...
Author - Chris Weagel
Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.
Turn over the mattresses and place your hands on your forehead. Surprise Inspection. Nobody’s safe. We’re looking for heretical writings and photographs of unhappy faces. I don’t wanna hear no laughter! I got me a slice of leather and I aim to use it! Stop sniveling! Your feet are all too small. Nobody gets their medicine today. Get used to the cold. What’s this? A Book of math equations? With no stickers? Who tore out my stickers? I can’t sell this. Who’s going to buy a math equation book without the stickers? SOMEONE’S LYING TO ME! First person who confesses gets a star. Second person that confesses gets my respect.Somebody turn that furnace off. Things have gotten way too comfortable in here. A man can’t trust himself in a place this...
Worthless Jim died last night. Now, this morning, we’re feeding his body to the cats.
That meal should buy the rest of us at least another week. Hopefully that will be enough time to completely learn cat language and allow us to make peace with their leader.
Starting tomorrow, this whole website shifts to your number one resource for Star Trek-inspired Baby Names.
RUBBER MAGNET MONKEY PIE
SPIDER TRAIN
You Idiot Brother-in-Law just repudiated 350 years of established scientific thought about the role of neutron particles as they relate to baryons of the up/down/bottom combination called known as the Λb.
Who’s going to clean it up?