Surprise Inspection

Turn over the mattresses and place your hands on your forehead. Surprise Inspection. Nobody’s safe.

We’re looking for heretical writings and photographs of unhappy faces. I don’t wanna hear no laughter! I got me a slice of leather and I aim to use it!

Stop sniveling! Your feet are all too small. Nobody gets their medicine today. Get used to the cold.

What’s this? A Book of math equations? With no stickers? Who tore out my stickers? I can’t sell this. Who’s going to buy a math equation book without the stickers? SOMEONE’S LYING TO ME!

First person who confesses gets a star. Second person that confesses gets my respect.
Somebody turn that furnace off. Things have gotten way too comfortable in here. A man can’t trust himself in a place this friendly.

Alright. On the bed. Let’s see the undersides of your feet.

I don’t give a damn. I got four hours blocked out for this.

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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