Turn over the mattresses and place your hands on your forehead. Surprise Inspection. Nobody’s safe.

We’re looking for heretical writings and photographs of unhappy faces. I don’t wanna hear no laughter! I got me a slice of leather and I aim to use it!

Stop sniveling! Your feet are all too small. Nobody gets their medicine today. Get used to the cold.

What’s this? A Book of math equations? With no stickers? Who tore out my stickers? I can’t sell this. Who’s going to buy a math equation book without the stickers? SOMEONE’S LYING TO ME!

First person who confesses gets a star. Second person that confesses gets my respect.
Somebody turn that furnace off. Things have gotten way too comfortable in here. A man can’t trust himself in a place this friendly.

Alright. On the bed. Let’s see the undersides of your feet.

I don’t give a damn. I got four hours blocked out for this.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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