Author - Chris Weagel
Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.
I heard recently that a regional council put out promotional materials to lure people to Southeast Michigan laden with photos of our exquisite shopping malls. This was apparently done in all sincerity with the best intentions. Had I designed these materials I would’ve paired these pictures with photos of vomit piles and smashed shopping carts that fill the alleyways and parking lots of such facilities. I’d save the photos of the mall patrons vacant, sunken eyes for the brochure cover. Then I would’ve set an enormous, carnival stuffed animal – maybe a panda – on the client’s desk and lit it on fire.
Pants that stand up on their own are not to be trusted.
In the history of Spectacular Car Jumps none has matched the sheer power of Randall Williams’ 1988 Ohio County Triple Jump. Surviving spectators are few and those who will openly speak of it are rarer still, but from published accounts and depositions we can piece together this important piece of American Daredeviltry. It should be noted that Mr. Williams was legally blind at the time of the jump and had a revoked license in neighboring counties…and was part snake. But he had no fear, as well as a large number of outstanding debts at local Carpet wholesalers. Until that time the law had only sanctioned jumping over two groupings of the elderly or one numbered collection of unwed pregnant women at a time. No one had possessed the audacity to attempt both in a single jump. Then...
No matter what I do, whenever I close my eyes and picture victory, I see this guy.
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Lot of exciting changes to the User Experience here at Human Dog. Chief among them is our latest addition, Forced Reptile Ownership. Each visitor to HumanDog.tv has his or her IP address logged and tracked making it easy for us to send them a bucket full of snakes. Real, live, god-hating snakes. We choose the color. Pressing go in your browser’s address bar constitutes an Acceptance of Terms of Service which include an until-now unused clause requiring your ownership, care and feeding of any and all reptiles measuring less than 5 meters long we send in a washed out kitty litter bucket for the lifespan of said reptiles. And due to a gypsy’s curse, our headquarters is riddled with snakes. It’s Impossible to sleep with any confidence around here. But that all changes as...