Author - Chris Weagel
Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.
From Dennis Kucinich: War takes the money from the American people and puts it into the hands of arms manufacturers, war profiteers, and private armies. The war in Iraq, based on lies: $3 trillion will be the cost of that war. The war in Afghanistan; based on a misreading of history; half a trillion dollars in expenses already. The war against Libya will be $1 billion by September. Fifty percent of our discretionary spending goes for the Pentagon. A massive transfer of wealth into the hands of a few while the American people lack sufficient jobs, health care, housing, retirement security. There is a massive transfer of wealth from the American people to the hands of a few and it's going on right now as America's eyes are misdirected to the political theater of these histrionic debt...
A fun activity during long, one-sided conversations is to stare intently at your co-worker's, family member's or friend's head and imagine what is going on inside there, just behind the skull. For those with weak vision having trouble penetrating their subject's head, here are a few common scenarios: A nervous supervisor may have spurring away in her head a complex Vending Machine mechanism that's grinding away faster and faster simply because a bag of Andy Capp Hot Fries is caught against the front glass, jamming the dispenser screw and preventing a money transaction from completing. You may want to check if someone has stuck some Canadian coins in her ear. An hysterical co-worker, if looked at in the right light, might reveal that their cranium is occupied by a dangerously overcrowded...
Two Varieties of Incompetence:
Worthless Incompetence:
Worthlessly Incompetent is getting caught stealing Monopoly money.
Hopeless Incompetence:
Hopelessly Incompetent is trading in your Monopoly money for genuine fool's gold.
Interviewer: Chris, how are things going with your Clown Documentary?Chris: We're nearing the end of Post Production, in fact working on the Color Correction right now. But it's slow going. The program has a series of preset color schemes to choose from and no matter what, I keep coming back to the black and white Schindler's List look.I think you can see the predicament I'm in.
The last couple of pork rinds at the bottom of the bag will taste like fireworks.
After I got home late last night, I planted some Stress Trees all around the house. Saplings, really, just encircling the house. I did this to fully exhaust myself before bed. Tearing up pieces of the carpeting no longer works.
I awoke to quite a sight. Nothing unexpected, but still amazing nonetheless.
There in the branches of the now fully grown Stress Trees were entire armies of unruly kindergarten classes and really loud florescent lighting units and three traffic jams and thousands of cable box remotes and a goddamn swing set that needs assembling.
I went right over to the one dripping in Casio keyboards stuck in demo mode and just hugged it.
I received my application back from the National Holiday Registration Board. My proposed Holiday has been rejected. Outlined in my 17 page narrative was a solid argument as to why May 14th should hereafter be known and celebrated as Lower Abdominal Pain Day (May 13th being an unofficial Lower Abdominal Paid Day eve). I suppose the enclosed references, Mr. Washington and Mr. Lincoln, were not as convincing as, say, Mr. Franklin might be. Now begins the two year "cooling off period" before I can re-apply with new photos of citizens celebrating the agony of Lower Abdominal Pain. I'm also working on Partial-Day Holidays. 6 Hour (or less) stretches during a day that are legal holidays. Such new boundaries would allow for new holidays - honoring some of our more noble reptiles, perhaps? - in a...