Immediately following roll call, while I still have you standing as gentlemen, I shall pass in front of you a shallow dish of lukewarm water. Any coins currently hiding under your tongues shall be deposited in a single spitting action. Those producing denominations exceeding a quarter will be deputized and sent into the showers in search of additional revenue.
Those presenting foreign currency will have their leisure activities reviewed.
Archive - July 2013
You will spend life as a second order dongle. And then…
…be destroyed.
During roll call it is important that you remain staring at the wall and present all instruments, weaponry, and scarring, no matter how cartoonish, for inspection. A steady hand on your shoulder signals the need for private advisement to correct deficiencies. Fifteen minutes in an isolation chamber identifying yogurt flavors should suffice. Harsher therapies will be conducted outside the view of the balloons. They're here to bring happiness, not endure your frailties.
At roll call you are expected to present three new shadow puppet hand configurations, along with accompanying sound effects. These may be animals, wonders of the mechanical world or illustrations of emotion. Do not ask, nor expect, to touch the flash light.
The key element of my cult would be the careful withholding of pistachio nuts.
Western Civilization is an endless loop of C-tier 1970s Hanna Barbera cartoons. Mostly those that featured talking office furniture.
The Working Class have their pensions stolen.
Wall Street gets bonuses.
Cartoons found to cause obesity.
Every day is the Fourth of July.
I have 80 pairs of cowboy boots, strategically hidden throughout the house, filled with money. Primarily Canadian dollars but some Paraguayan guaranĂ too. You know, that money with the giraffe on it.
And I also have this nervous condition that turns my leg blue and fills me with shame.
Buying and posessing things will fill this void. Same effect you get from gym class and belittling others.