Inappropriate uses of Priority Mail service include but are not limited to: Screaming obscenities into the box, quickly sealing it, sending it to the TV personality that inspired your rage. Turning the boxes inside out in a vain attempt at time travel. Sending thousands of ants to your step-sister in Portland. Mailing hugs to lepers. Creating an inferiority complex in the remaining majority of your unsent letters and documents. Drought relief.

Inappropriate uses of Priority Mail service include but are not limited to:

Screaming obscenities into the box, quickly sealing it, sending it to the TV personality that inspired your rage.

Turning the boxes inside out in a vain attempt at time travel.

Sending thousands of ants to your step-sister in Portland.

Mailing hugs to lepers.

Creating an inferiority complex in the remaining majority of your unsent letters and documents.

Drought relief.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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  • Mailing half-eaten roadkill to perfect strangers in an attempt to spread awareness of the dangers of driving.