Inappropriate uses of Priority Mail service include but are not limited to:
Screaming obscenities into the box, quickly sealing it, sending it to the TV personality that inspired your rage.
Turning the boxes inside out in a vain attempt at time travel.
Sending thousands of ants to your step-sister in Portland.
Mailing hugs to lepers.
Creating an inferiority complex in the remaining majority of your unsent letters and documents.