My computer chip-enabled band-aid brand bandages offer the wearer the soothing sounds of their favorite Television Show Theme Song with just a gentle tap on the bandage's spongy-square surface. The receptor in this area is extremely sensitive and can often be triggered by the brushing of clothing or a cruel pinch from a rambunctious sibling. If you're suffering from a splitting headache or just tire of hearing the Rockford Files theme song but still need to cover an un-healed flesh gouge you can switch the bandage's computer chip into ICU mode. Now, instead of a TV theme song playing when touched, your bandage will softly emit Guinea Pig sounds steadily throughout the day. The gentle, confused, thoroughly non-human chirping sounds of the Guinea Pig will calm your nerves and provide a pleasant background of white noise upon which to build your thoughts and feelings. Plus, you'll be learning a second language at no additional cost.

My computer chip-enabled band-aid brand bandages offer the wearer the soothing sounds of their favorite Television Show Theme Song with just a gentle tap on the bandage’s spongy-square surface. The receptor in this area is extremely sensitive and can often be triggered by the brushing of clothing or a cruel pinch from a rambunctious sibling.

If you’re suffering from a splitting headache or just tire of hearing the Rockford Files theme song but still need to cover an un-healed flesh gouge you can switch the bandage’s computer chip into ICU mode. Now, instead of a TV theme song playing when touched, your bandage will softly emit Guinea Pig sounds steadily throughout the day.

The gentle, confused, thoroughly non-human chirping sounds of the Guinea Pig will calm your nerves and provide a pleasant background of white noise upon which to build your thoughts and feelings. Plus, you’ll be learning a second language at no additional cost.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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