WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE NOISE

My computer chip-enabled band-aid brand bandages offer the wearer the soothing sounds of their favorite Television Show Theme Song with just a gentle tap on the bandage’s spongy-square surface. The receptor in this area is extremely sensitive and can often be triggered by the brushing of clothing or a cruel pinch from a rambunctious sibling.

If you’re suffering from a splitting headache or just tire of hearing the Rockford Files theme song but still need to cover an un-healed flesh gouge you can switch the bandage’s computer chip into ICU mode. Now, instead of a TV theme song playing when touched, your bandage will softly emit Guinea Pig sounds steadily throughout the day.

The gentle, confused, thoroughly non-human chirping sounds of the Guinea Pig will calm your nerves and provide a pleasant background of white noise upon which to build your thoughts and feelings. Plus, you’ll be learning a second language at no additional cost.

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About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn’t. He can’t stand that shit.

One Response to “WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE NOISE”

  1. Maddie Seidel 08/01/11 at 4:00 pm #

    Do they come in Spongebob-themed designs?

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