Life in the year 3015. It’s never too early to start preparing. You’ll want to be remembered in stories around the campfire, so you better do something meaningful today. Consider becoming a legendary bank robber who can also bring small mammals back from the dead. They’re gonna want somebody like that in the far off future.

Consider your offspring as well. There are 40 generations between us and the people of 3015 AD. Perhaps you can be the reason so many of them are fantastic acrobats despite their toe webbing. Consider having at least 18 children and handing down to each one a ceremonial sword just to see if the people of tomorrow include a disproportionately high number of antiquities dealers.

In the end your power over the society of a thousand years hence is limited. Honestly, if you have enough trouble convincing the animal control people of today there’s nothing suspicious about all the dead cats on your property, you probably won’t have much success with future generations believing you did more in life beyond constantly reorganizing your sweat pants collection. And since tomorrow really doesn’t matter, you’re justified in spending another work day at the casino buffet. You don’t even need a coupon.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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