The gentleman told me he wanted to animate a couch growing older. He was serious about this project. He had done the research. He had photos from furniture retirement communities and private furniture funerals. The kind always rumored but never fully witnessed by science. He had little jars labeled COUCH BREATH and CUSHION GAS which he wouldn’t let me touch.

He had a sketch book and some pens and said he wanted full-on Disney-style animation, no matter the cost. He asked the best way to draw a couch skeleton and I told him (respectfully). He wanted real textures and complicated seam work. He was willing to do without sleep or the company of women.

I assumed it was a scam from the outset, but I played along in hopes of getting his business card business. That’s my passion. Holding and collecting business cards. Beats watching furniture age.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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