Morning Constitutional 04/08/11

Top Hats, although we here on Earth are done with them, continue to travel ever-deeper through outer space. Gathering speed by the second, the hats never lose their stature. They remain as grand today as they were 80 years ago.

Although to us these Top Hats are a head gear of a time long past, it is we, living in 21st Century America, who are ancient to them. As Einstein demonstrated, when Top Hats race away from the earth they actually travel further and further into the future. Had they the desire to return to this planet, these Top Hats would find a scarred, barren wasteland of Topiary sculpture and mangled wire shopping carts and no brow they could call human upon which to rest.

Even now Scientists predict some of the first Top Hats are reaching the outer edges of the galaxy, making them, along with styrofoam picnic coolers, the farthest man-made artifacts from the earth. It is fitting that the great and noble Top Hat survives to become humanity’s ambassador to the universe.

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About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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