What wisdom can I leave you with tonight? Recommendations for what type of hot dog condiment goes best with your facial moles? Or a reminder of the value large, leather straps have to bruisers and nuns alike? Perhaps a plea not to stand too close to the walls as we’ve just had them painted to cover the gouge and scratch marks from the family reunion?

Ultimately, I can’t tell you anything. You’ll have to find your own way. You don’t listen to good sense anyhow, which is how you wound up with a room full of broken umbrellas and no man in your life.

THIS IS NOT AN ADVICE COLUMN. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME BAKED GOODS.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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