Tomorrow Land
Archive - February 2011
Every time this year the town gathers its scrapbooks and photo albums and other bad memory signifiers and heaps them into a giant pile on the floor of the last remaining roller rink. Prayers are offered from the local deacons and then the entire affair is torched. A complex system of ventilation passages and chambers directs the ash and smoke outside while the PTA circles the fire on those old-type skates that require a key. On Thursday, that complex system of air replacement broke down. The PTA has been decimated with one surviving member confined to the town’s remaining Iron Lung for at least 14 months. Without the guidance of the Parent Teacher’s Association the school board has decided to suspend the remainder of the school year and put the children to study at home on...
One guiding principle: Stay true to your art. Staying true to your art may require great sacrifice but it is the only path to lasting success. You may have to change your name and even live underwater for awhile, So Be It! They will not be small sacrifices. They will include sword fights with people you may not care for. Your reward, however, will be great. Let no man’s vision, no matter how many dinosaur battles it includes, taint your own. Keep your ideas pure. Clean them often. Consider laminating some of them for others to study without the risk of staining. And when no one is looking, tape them to the top side of your ceiling fan blades. Then forget you ever had such ideas and sell the house to a blind couple. Now you’re a bland, Non-creative, as the Church terms it...
If at any point during your speech a large portion of the audience doesn’t stand up and begin singing “God Bless America,” you’ve failed.
If multi-colored balloons fall all over the stage without warning, and you’re not running for office, you’ve succeeded.
If during your talk the entire audience simultaneously transforms into gigantic humanoid cat-people, consider upping your fee.
Google isn’t listening and watching me through my computer. I love my computer. It would never turn against me. It’s me and this computer AND NO ONE ELSE! NO ONE!
I will boycott you, Alex! I will boycott your sponsors and your channels! You have hurt the Constitution! You have been revealed for the Kremlin controlled monster double-triple-agent you are! Google has those vans out there to protect me!
We Are Wisconsin from Finn Ryan on Vimeo.