Tag Archives: hero
Nightcap 05/28/12

Nightcap 05/28/12

Your primary concern with an over-sized* American flag is storage. It’s one thing to cover the front of your building, mother-in-law apartment, or used sofa pile with a 70′ x 90′ American flag; it’s an altogether different thing to store it, safely and legally. After observing proper folding techniques, it would still result in a coffin-sized section of cloth and would as such, overpower the conventional, “one garbage bag and then into the attic” approach. The obvious next step of two garbage bags, one coming from each side with a slight overlap, still fails with a flag of this size. A crucial midsection would remain exposed to storage mites and closet fleas. Patriotic ingenuity points us to a three bag solution. Before fitting on either end bag, a simple scissors cut turns garbage bag three into an open-ended garbage sleeve, able to slide freely over all sensitive sections of the flag. Loading this first, then tucking either edge under the end bags ensures total coverage, total peace of mind. At this point one may safely store an enormous American flag alongside spare mattresses, under model train sets, and beside inherited wig collections, confident that no portion is exposed to the tentacles of those translucent creatures that are found only in crawl spaces. *Some prefer the descriptor, “American-Sized”, improving it to, “American-Sized American Flag.”

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Morning Constitutional 04/26/11

Morning Constitutional 04/26/11

Find your nearest enormous all-metal industrial stairwell. You must have one on the property. Gather all your flimsiest card tables AND all of your Deluxe Chinese Checkers Sets. You see where I’m headed with this. Set them all up at the top of the stairs. Gather dignitaries, photographers, trusted neighbors, and as many excitable animals as possible at the bottom of the stairs. Serve them Dixie cups of cheese soup. Do not ask if anyone is sensitive to dairy. Get on the PA system (you didn’t pawn it, right?) and make a number of Startling Revelations. These could be about the guests assembled downstairs, news of far-off military defeat, confessions and apologies to all the women you’ve hurt, anything along these lines. At the crescendo, violently kick the tables and watch in stunning slow motion as the Chinese Checker Trays and marbles and tv dinner tables and expensive telescope sets crash down, flight after flight. Feel alive for the first time. THEN UNLEASH THE BEES!

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NIGHT CAP 03/02/11

NIGHT CAP 03/02/11

The Mountains.

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Always comes in threes

Always comes in threes

MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL A man finds a cane. His impact is now felt three states away. The cane sleeps in a place of honor, right near the broken clocks.

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HD LAB ENTRY #04: John Dameron

HD LAB ENTRY #04: John Dameron

Singer/Songwriter.

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