Turns out a fox-tailed squirrel has gotten a place on the August Primary ballot for City Council. Strategically, I might have to vote for him. My other choices are the local rapist and a laminated copy of Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead.
I just don’t think the rapist shares my enthusiasm for zoning reform.
“Nothing is fake on the internet.”
– Wise Man
Highway Fireplug. We’ve all wanted to make use of the expensive portable wrench sets father gives us to unscrew a Highway Fireplug, take it home and raise it as a boy. We’ve all, secretly, yearned to bring one up properly, warning it of the mistakes we made, rewarding it with increased responsibilities for public demonstrations of good character. I’m talking about those burned, rusted, certainly forgotten, harsh metal Highway Fireplugs that dot the grassy inclines of our roadway roads. Made in the 1970s. Of taking it home and raising it as a surrogate child. An adoption without the guilt of the “cage selection” stage. Regardless of what the school boards say. Of creating a legacy. It doesn’t have to be a robot! It just needs to be a piece of hollow...
I was wrong. It’s all my fault. I honestly thought that cutting a horse in half would give us two ponies.
Eaten alive by polar bears is not a five year plan.
When one finds himself chief stooge in the lunatic factory what does one do? Tip over a chair and rant about corruption in the birthday cake business? Resign the post and mail cards to mother? No such a position requires bold action and severe moves. It requires commandeering a school bus and forcing the fat kids to stand and issue apologies for their grotesqueries until we reach home. Whether you have the trust of a thousand buffalo men or the ear of just one fool, you must use that power to keep track of your receipts and not be afraid to ask for reimbursements for any and all company related purchases. You must improve the lot of your sad charges. You must direct your rat corner of society towards greater aims. You must get them to stop biting each others’ arms and start biting...
