You will spend life as a second order dongle. And then…
…be destroyed.

During roll call it is important that you remain staring at the wall and present all instruments, weaponry, and scarring, no matter how cartoonish, for inspection. A steady hand on your shoulder signals the need for private advisement to correct deficiencies. Fifteen minutes in an isolation chamber identifying yogurt flavors should suffice. Harsher therapies will be conducted outside the view of the balloons. They're here to bring happiness, not endure your frailties.

At roll call you are expected to present three new shadow puppet hand configurations, along with accompanying sound effects. These may be animals, wonders of the mechanical world or illustrations of emotion. Do not ask, nor expect, to touch the flash light.

The key element of my cult would be the careful withholding of pistachio nuts.

Western Civilization is an endless loop of C-tier 1970s Hanna Barbera cartoons. Mostly those that featured talking office furniture.

The Working Class have their pensions stolen.
Wall Street gets bonuses.
Cartoons found to cause obesity.
Every day is the Fourth of July.