Right Now the Best We Can Do: Arrange all the Swedish to face east on the edge of the table after throwing all the old newspapers and trucker magazines on the floor.
Ever since Nine-Eleven I’ve been hoarding American flags. Full-size, 50-star, Double Vinyl US-American Flags, yes sir! Whenever I’d get some extra money I’d buy a few. I’d wait till after dark and never buy more than two at a time and spread my purchases across multiple stores through four counties. Didn’t want to cause any concern, didn’t want to make a stir. Never, ever bought any online. Not right. Now we come to the question of storage. As of Easter Sunday, I own forty-six thousand American flags. More than I want, not as many as I need. The closets are full, the attic is bursting, all the cubby holes have been filled and the front window displays – why as inventive as Nancy is with them – have become stale with the integration of so...
I heard recently that a regional council put out promotional materials to lure people to Southeast Michigan laden with photos of our exquisite shopping malls. This was apparently done in all sincerity with the best intentions. Had I designed these materials I would’ve paired these pictures with photos of vomit piles and smashed shopping carts that fill the alleyways and parking lots of such facilities. I’d save the photos of the mall patrons vacant, sunken eyes for the brochure cover. Then I would’ve set an enormous, carnival stuffed animal – maybe a panda – on the client’s desk and lit it on fire.
Pants that stand up on their own are not to be trusted.