The Historic Commission has decided that something must be done about the Hen House Roof up at Old Flemerfelt Farm. It's about nearly caved in. It's ugly, it's dangerous. It is not historically accurate. The hens wouldn't recognize it. They voted that Hen House Roof Action be taken. Agenda Item 12. 4 ayes, 2 neighs, 1 abstention. That was Charles Line. He left early out of protest after he was refused a seat on account of not wearing a tie. Third time this term, by the way. The trouble with the roof was it would just fill up with holes. The school children would come through and they'd take out their anger on the hen house with rocks and little whips made of Hickory branch. Which was all in keeping with the custom of the time. In this county, you learned never to voice...
DEPT: Blog
THIS IS THE BLOG OF THE HUMAN DOG.
THIS IS IMPORTANT EVIDENCE OF THE END OF THE WORLD.
ALSO THE OCCASIONAL RECIPE.
THANK YOU.
Sunlight and air provide the best allies man has against micro-organisms.
How many times does a man have to fall down these stairs to get a little harmonica song-playin’ in here?
…you call this a sing-a-long…pff, wheel barrels.
If your goals center around straight and even arrangement of garden tools, hanging shovels and hoes and rakes in rows along the garage wall, making sure they’re all the same distance from the floor, waking up at night to check this height again and again with a pocket ruler you picked up at the hospitality hut near the Ohio line, and rearranging and re-hanging said tools if their spacing is found to be deficient, you will go about life unmolested. No one will care about your private activities and most will approve, if pressed. Society is structured to see you succeed in taming yard instruments. This stuff has been voted on. We’re all in agreement. You have our blessing. If, however, you’d prefer to give away swimming lessons for free, really truly for free, accepting...
The tambourine is a crutch, John. Today’s warrior carries a kazoo.
Come down from that awning, we’re still family.
“These soap carving lessons will serve you well in the future. A man who shapes soap into things like eyeballs and deer skulls and a lady's dress- why, that's a man who'll never go friendless. 'Sides, today, with things like lasers and subgum, you can double up on intricacies. Mix that yellow soap with blue, pumice stone with dry foam. Your art and your actions will be forgotten, count on it. But soap lives on. Womenfolk keep it in their mouths. Children love the smell. They like being clean. Your learning and love of learning about soap carving means you can walk around unquestioned, eating off others' plates. How I envy you. Like a dog envies a chimney.”
The backyards shall be replaced with discount carpet lots.
The board game industry's rock star designers are chafing us all. Games involving file cabinets are not fun. County Clerk worked on the big screen, but not at the dinner table. Too many fights about who gets to be the actuary.
Oh I got so much going on. So many things, so many things. The TV Show, the sitcom, this movie/reality project. A signature line of little plastic trees. Jarred screams of the damned. In these jars- I have a friend who goes down into this cave in Romania, and he, he, yes he takes the jars and gathers up their screams. All the yelling and agony, it's – it's a whole thing. I don't know, I don't, it's on the website. Yes. Where it all– All of this is coming together. I have everything in place, I will have everything in place. All of it. The greeting service that wishes happy birthday to strangers. And my concert film. We have to film the ending and my friend has just gone through a kidnapping, an ordeal and he, now, he holds the camera. It all gets combined...
Some of the Downsides of owning a Stuffed Animal Factory:
Nobody wants a stuffed stomach parasite. There’s no creativity. Nobody’s taking risks.
The stuffing? It’s all asbestos.
The machine breaks and you end up donating 40 bags of teddy bear legs to the children’s hospital.
You can catch leprosy from stuffed armadillos all the same.
It’s tedious cutting marbles in half to make eyeballs. You have to use those stubby industrial scissors. You can never hold them right.
The neighbors always complaining about all the screaming.
Sorry, that’s a zoning issue.
Consolation Prize: 1984 Kanners Shoe Products Company Picnic Commemorative Frisbee.
Consolation Prize: Twelve Piece Photographs of GMC Seatbelt Buckles Set.
Consolation Prize: Having “Don't Tread On Me Logo with Snake” Forcibly Painted On Your Face While Being Held Down By Members of Local Liberty/Baptist Redeemer Board of Elders.
Consolation Prize: This American Life of Pointless Toil.
Last I heard, Roland was doing biofuel research for the Chi-Coms.
“Shit, you can get any kind of organ here – no paperwork. I pay 'em in dragon coins. One billion people looking the other way.”