The end of May exposes many broken promises. We're approaching Popsicle weather, there's no hiding it. So June brings reform. No more romantic breakfasts at Burger King. Stop offering to rewrite your friend's play. Smile when they perform it for you in the hall. Encourage them to do the cockney accents. Admit you've traded your dignity for half a car wash coupon book.

And follow through. Because what do you want to be? A gutless wonder, clutching curtains and asking for rides to the KMart pharmacy? Or a lightly caricatured version of yourself in a syndicated television sitcom worthy of the respect of your adopted children?

When it comes down to it, refuse the extra gravy. Ask them to put it in a clearly labeled bag and mail it to your Aunt. Offer to pay for priority shipping. And for the gravy. And for the bag. And for the other bag of used wrapping paper. Never waste. You could be next.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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