It's very funny to carry an umbrella. To use and hold an umbrella is very odd. It is to make oneself exceptional from the weather. Which is a polite way of saying, “God's Judgement.”

God is not happy with this new leg wear. Hence this fog. God wishes there to be fewer mimes near that hospital: Lightning storm.

The umbrella can only be taken seriously as a cousin to more formal dinner utensils. An ersatz gravy boat, perhaps. Or gravy trough. But as a portable, public spotlight, the umbrella remains taped between swimming goggles and those awful little rubber thumb gloves secretaries wear.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

View all posts

Add comment

Your email address will not be published.