The awful practice of scowling at cereal box mascots has struck our town’s brochures from Visitors Center’s Information Racks forever. We’re just not a pleasant people here. Many of us are part snake. Many of us go out of our way to draw angry/frowny face eyebrows and scowls all over public-facing magazine covers and dentist office waiting room brushing-encouragement posters. Many of us continue to support the drowning of artists festival. Local scouts earn a badge in it each year.
Why are we like this? Why did we choose this path? Was it the gold? Was it?!
Look, don’t come near us. Our mouths are filled with ash and if you ask us a question we’ll spit it all over your face and go for your wallet. We like the way they smell. The wallets. After they’ve been sat on for a couple years. It’s like baby leather.
ALRIGHT, BRING IN THE BULLDOZERS!