Nightcap 02/14/13

This is the perfect climate in which to open a Ginger Bear factory. Don't believe the liars. With this scheme you cannot fail. Your family stands to gain much reward and will honor your memory long after you disappear into the sewers, chasing after rupees.

These Ginger Bears, working with them is not like working with normal bears. If they bite you, you will become ginger yourself. Total DNA replacement with a very strong spice. It is very difficult to walk as a ginger man. You legs will sand off inside your pants and your neck will never cease being sore.

Oh then, yes, you will wish yourself into a room with demons rather than live out a life of painful ginger shocks. You will take anything – including work at the gun range – to get back your true form. Meanwhile these bears, who should be belching up gold, will laugh at you and bite again.

The Ginger Bear has no natural enemy. Man and Man's Hel-o-copter alone give it fear.

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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