Trouble is, I cannot find any reliable information about the science of miniature golf course design. I mean stuff about worm holes and particle weapons and greasy guys back at the club house eating pepperoni and cheese sticks out of the honor-system snack tray. If I hit this little red ball past the boy who’s fishing and it never stops accelerating – I mean, look, it’s possible – will it roll through the fence and into the next door Hooters’ patio lounge?

All the life-sized, cement, purple panther statues there will ever be – all of them – were created seconds after the big bang. If I’m buying one – can I get a discount? Like if the nose is chipped?

If I could just get 15 minutes and a place to sit down, I want to go through these brochures with you.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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