Trouble is, I cannot find any reliable information about the science of miniature golf course design. I mean stuff about worm holes and particle weapons and greasy guys back at the club house eating pepperoni and cheese sticks out of the honor-system snack tray. If I hit this little red ball past the boy who’s fishing and it never stops accelerating – I mean, look, it’s possible – will it roll through the fence and into the next door Hooters’ patio lounge?
All the life-sized, cement, purple panther statues there will ever be – all of them – were created seconds after the big bang. If I’m buying one – can I get a discount? Like if the nose is chipped?
If I could just get 15 minutes and a place to sit down, I want to go through these brochures with you.