Americans spent another New Year's Day staring into the abyss.

But the real work begins next week. That's when federal funds get released and civil improvement corps start the long, hard work of designing, sewing and mass producing little suits – including vests, pants and top hats – for our nation's frogs. At least 40 unique styles are required according to the act. And if people don't start digging the frogs up out of their winter muck hibernation holes by late March and begin the initial round of fittings, the remaining money gets sucked back into the Air Force budget. No exceptions.

Come July another round of dollars comes through earmarked for the careful painting of neighborhood garden stones to resemble oversized jelly beans, M&Ms candies, cough drops and other confectionaries.

Like I said, right into the abyss.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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