Lifting this thing is always a struggle. But, I wanted a belt sander in the bedroom so I got a belt sander in the bedroom. I’m doing this with one hand because I don’t want to deal with the switch on the sweeper. It’s got a rubber grip that’s melting or turning into wax or something. I wash my hands enough for this climate. I’d have to stop everything, make an entry in the ledger, wash, dry and get all reoriented. And I won’t lay the nozzle down because it grabs onto me and feels like it’s pulling open my scar.

There’s not a lot of dust behind this thing but there’s enough dust to make things uncomfortable. I’m rocking the whole thing over to the left. Got it up on one foot. Now I can – now I can – Wait a minute! Ok I got the nozzle under there and it’s getting up all that dust. Woooo! It’s normal dust. It’s not from the sander. It just gathers there. I haven’t used it in years. Haven’t had anything to sand! No! And I don’t let the class use it either. They just ask stupid questions. A lot of them have crooked eyes. Must be the mothers in this area. Lot of vanilla extract in their diets.

Oh now, wait. Alright. Alright. Look- it’s- well give me some room. I can’t breathe! I got this thing balanced here. Yes, the hose is choked, it’s blocked up. Let me see- oh! It sucked up a band-aid. Still in the packaging. Oh this is still good. Here go put this in my wallet. I have to get the rest of this dust! Oh these cobwebs!

Ok I’m setting it down. That’s enough. Yes I’ll line it up with the grooves. Yes the indents! Yes! I see them! Alright! It’s because this floor is cork! Oh yes it is!

No I never run it at night. It has this light above the label. Right here! It glows when it’s on. It makes me think there’s an animal in the room.


Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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