When I signed up to be sat on by this giant prehistoric bird I assumed there would be canisters of beef jerky within reach at all times.

When I signed up to model wigs for the Kaiser, I never imagined I'd have to draw pictures of tug boats up and down his arms in a vain attempt to explain animation to him.

When I signed up for delivery of smoked meat platters I never imagined I was really a mannequin without a mouth or digestive tract and have metal stand poles instead of feet.

When I signed up to count roller skates for the army, I thought every third pair would be a sliced bagel with no battlefield application.

When I woke up a lizard man and not a human being, I assumed they were wrong, that the vaccines really do work.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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