Tonight on the show we continue our exploration of highway berm landscaping regulations.
Later in the hour my guests and I will spend some time pretending to be turtles. Not young, cartoon turtles but those really old turtles kept in reserves that rarely move and get nicknames like Old Joe and Iron Frankie. We'll remain absolutely silent during this segment and shed much of our humanity. We welcome your calls.
After that our Announcer and I will take turns describing the emptiness that pervades our existence and how culture, music, and the world's religions have failed to provide us meaning – much to the consternation of family and employers alike. Throughout I'll be making a stabbing motion uncontrollably in the air beside me.
Then it's awkward one-sided conversation with a coma victim, for a good forty-five minutes.
And we'll wrap things up with a round of pet betrayal, promising the animals in our lives regular feeding times and attention we cannot possibly provide with this work schedule.
Transcripts available upon request.