It was very important for my friend V to get command of a hot air balloon. He claimed he heard a rumor about gold ingots being kept inside the heads of giraffes. We had to get going immediately.

“I don't want those filthy giraffes puking my gold down the sewer,” V explained. “I've never been so insulted in my life.”

V also demanded the balloon be covered in the Kodak film logo or be shaped and colored like a ham. All this on a Sunday.

“I'm going to throw out sets of new car keys as we pass over playgrounds. I want 3rd graders behind the wheel. It's all about giving back.”

I had just worked up the courage to let go of the storm door when V cancelled the whole trip.

“It's all off. I've been given the opportunity to be transformed into a bowling alley by science. Help me burn all my pants.”


Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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